I keep starting posts- and then stopping. Getting stuck in the chaos of my brain. The pressure to have some concise point. To be uplifting or introspective. When really, all I am is tired. And honestly, I think a little afraid of my own feelings. I began seeing my therapist about 16 months ago. And … Continue reading Reality Bites Sometimes

I recently used the really elegant and succinct sentence "vulnerability blows". I can't think of any truer words that have escaped my lips. Telling my son that I love him even when he's an asshole may be the closest second there is. I don't do vulnerability well. Actually, I think it has been a nearly … Continue reading Growth?

I feel the need to address the elephant in the proverbial room- I have been less than steady with writing. I started this blog with all of the fire in my belly and courage that I could muster. I was consistent. I was publicly working through my demons and personal insights. And then I ran … Continue reading All out of Spoons

I say "no worries" an awful lot for a woman that functions in a near perpetual state of worry. The state of anguish can range from a low thrum to a limit that nears paralysis. Yet, my go to response to so many things and people in my life is "no worries". It's almost as … Continue reading Crazy woman?

I wrote this post months ago. It has been sitting, protected in my drafts file. I thought I had become tempered by the routine of missing my little man every other weekend. The emotions I experienced just became part of the routine as well. They were expected. I began to wear them like an old … Continue reading Every other weekend

The last few weeks have been hard. So hard that my brain couldn't stop racing. It's amazing what stress, anxiety, and sleep deprivation can do to a mind. It is a frustrating state of  infinitely running thoughts, yet nothing happening. No solutions. No plans. No forgiveness. Just worry and judgement. Being a parent is hard. … Continue reading Battling monsters

I missed posting last week. I fully intended to write while I was on the plane- but I am the mom of a toddler- as soon as the plane touched the clouds, I was out. ***** I get defensive. Easily. It isn't my finest quality. Nor is it something I justify to allow myself permission … Continue reading Working mother

Kate Spade died yesterday. We may never know exactly why she took her own life- what demons she may have battled. But I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that she didn't have the strength to keep fighting them. The commentary has already begun- the compassionate pleas to reach for help-not to soldier through … Continue reading The mind can be a dangerous place

This is one of those weeks that I have begun three different drafts. I have half formed ideas swirling through my head- and I am not sure which one to complete. It's interesting, I have so much that impacts me and scrolls through my mind on a daily basis, that sometimes it feels like there … Continue reading A change in perspective

My self image has never been particularly strong. Never marveled at the reflection that stares back at me from the mirror. Never felt extraordinary. I have always watched movies- you know the ones- where the main character enters a room from the top of a winding staircase with a breeze gently rustling her hair, and … Continue reading My words could be his one day