More often than not, I feel like I am a good mom. This weeks post was going to be about how I can finally see that. I wrote it last week. Maybe I'll post it next week, to perfectly illustrate the schizophrenic nature of my thoughts and emotions. Because today, I feel like the worst. … Continue reading Mom Guilt

I have held myself back for a very long time. Longer than I realized until recently. I have held myself back for many reasons, but it always comes back to the same underlying cause- fear. When Moose was a baby I would get anxiety at the idea of going out with him. I wasn’t afraid … Continue reading Fear

This past weekend I attended the wedding of my oldest friend. She is a kind soul that has tolerated my childhood tantrums and loved me through it all- even if she didn't always like me. To be fair, I was filled with attitude at a small age. I wasn't always likable.  Her home has been … Continue reading Blessings upon blessings

My mother sent me the above meme a few weeks ago via text, followed by the question "Did you get what you needed today?" I didn't answer. I didn't answer because the only response running through my brain was snarky. And quite frankly, that wouldn't have been fair. She was trying to be kind and … Continue reading Self Love?

Moose doesn't have a traditional family. He doesn't have the connected home life I dreamed of while he grew in the warm embrace of my womb. I imagined his father and I holding hands at our 50th wedding anniversary as he spoke of how we taught him how to love. How we showed him what … Continue reading Our Tribe

There are days that feel like a Three Stooges skit. Anything that can go wrong, does. This is the reality for people who are breathing, not just people trying to keep tiny humans alive. A couple of weeks ago Moose and I had one of those nights. It began with the best intentions. Moose had … Continue reading Cascade Failure

Another blogger wrote about how separation is like a series of tidal waves. I cannot agree more. I also cannot think of a better way to describe it. I am processing my feelings. I am moving past the shock, betrayal, and pain. I am doing well. I am happy. And then a wave will hit, … Continue reading Am I a terrible person?

Yet again, I had an entirely different topic that I was going to post about this week. It is half-way written. It segues nicely from my lack of a post last week into being a working mom and how every mom should feel free to choose the lifestyle that best fits her personality and family … Continue reading #MeToo

Moose and I went to Mass today with my parents. This is not the first time, and it won't be the last. But the Catholic Church is an interesting place. There is no childcare. No Sunday school. The kiddos hang with you. They experience Mass in the pew by your side. As Moose ran up … Continue reading Behold, childhood wonder

I do better with aloof. Real, honest, vulnerable- not so much. Not telling people how much I like them or that my feelings are hurt- I could win medals at that stuff. Spilling my guts about depression or therapy- those I am good at. It is a strange place to be an open book and … Continue reading Emotions are hard