I have been vacillating on what to write next. This is apparent by both my drafts folder-brimming with half hearted attempts at my next post- and my lack of publishing any of them. You see, I've been meandering through a labyrinth. Patches have been cloaked in darkness. Others have been slippery with self defeat. Areas … Continue reading North Star
Is this where I live now? This chaos in my brain? Yet again, I have started several posts and I have yet to finish one. I can't seem to untangle the threads in my mind to string together enough words to even form a cohesive thought. Maybe that's a goal I should abandon- cohesive thoughts. … Continue reading Healing is a winding road
I keep starting posts- and then stopping. Getting stuck in the chaos of my brain. The pressure to have some concise point. To be uplifting or introspective. When really, all I am is tired. And honestly, I think a little afraid of my own feelings. I began seeing my therapist about 16 months ago. And … Continue reading Reality Bites Sometimes
I recently used the really elegant and succinct sentence "vulnerability blows". I can't think of any truer words that have escaped my lips. Telling my son that I love him even when he's an asshole may be the closest second there is. I don't do vulnerability well. Actually, I think it has been a nearly … Continue reading Growth?
I feel the need to address the elephant in the proverbial room- I have been less than steady with writing. I started this blog with all of the fire in my belly and courage that I could muster. I was consistent. I was publicly working through my demons and personal insights. And then I ran … Continue reading All out of Spoons
I say "no worries" an awful lot for a woman that functions in a near perpetual state of worry. The state of anguish can range from a low thrum to a limit that nears paralysis. Yet, my go to response to so many things and people in my life is "no worries". It's almost as … Continue reading Crazy woman?
I wrote this post months ago. It has been sitting, protected in my drafts file. I thought I had become tempered by the routine of missing my little man every other weekend. The emotions I experienced just became part of the routine as well. They were expected. I began to wear them like an old … Continue reading Every other weekend
The last few weeks have been hard. So hard that my brain couldn't stop racing. It's amazing what stress, anxiety, and sleep deprivation can do to a mind. It is a frustrating state of infinitely running thoughts, yet nothing happening. No solutions. No plans. No forgiveness. Just worry and judgement. Being a parent is hard. … Continue reading Battling monsters
I missed posting last week. I fully intended to write while I was on the plane- but I am the mom of a toddler- as soon as the plane touched the clouds, I was out. ***** I get defensive. Easily. It isn't my finest quality. Nor is it something I justify to allow myself permission … Continue reading Working mother
Kate Spade died yesterday. We may never know exactly why she took her own life- what demons she may have battled. But I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that she didn't have the strength to keep fighting them. The commentary has already begun- the compassionate pleas to reach for help-not to soldier through … Continue reading The mind can be a dangerous place